The Difference Between Grief
and Loss
Originally
published in slightly different form onuj September 1, 2011 at PsychologyToday.com.
A video, which originally
aired on The CBS Evening News, is currently getting a lot of play on
the internet. It shows a Labrador retriever named Hawkeye lying near his
master’s casket during the young man’s funeral. His master was Petty Officer
Jon Tumilson, one of the 31 U.S. troops, most of them Navy SEALs, whose helicopter
was shot down near Kabul on August 6th, 2011.
Dr. Dale Peterson is a
highly-respected scientist and author. He’s written nearly a dozen books on
conservation, natural history, and animal behavior. In his blog here, he wrote
the following about Hawkeye’s behavior at the Tumilson funeral: “During the
service, Hawkeye walked over to the casket and lay down right in front of it
for the duration of the service. The dog lay prostrate before the casket,
hardly moving—as if (I thought as I watched a video) he were seized by a
powerful feeling of . . . grief.”
On the internet, this
video clip is almost always described this way: “Dog refuses to leave his
master’s side.” And “Dog guards his master one last time.” These are
heart-rending statements. Unfortunately, they
aren’t exactly true. If Hawkeye “refused” to leave his master’s side, who tried
to stop him, and why doesn’t the video show us exactly how the dog
refused? Did Hawkeye somehow arrive at the high school gym on his own,
uninvited? One can also clearly see
from the video that Hawkeye isn’t guarding anything. He’s lying on his side,
with his eyes closed. It seems like he may be despondent, but not vigilant.
Another thing to consider
is that the funeral was held in Rockford, Iowa, on August 19th, a hot
sunny day. And the venue was a high school gymnasium with no air-conditioning.
So the heat could’ve also played a decisive role in Hawkeye’s behavior. (If you
look at the original video, aired on CBS, you can see people fanning themselves
during the service.)
The Des Moines
Register revealed
that Hawkeye’s new master is Tumilson’s close friend Scott Nichols, who, along
with his wife, had been Hawkeye’s foster parents while the fallen SEAL was
stationed overseas. The couple also own two Labs of their own.
I spoke to a public
relations officer at Ft. Bragg about the dog’s behavior, how he came to be at
the funeral, etc., and I was told the following:
Nichols, knowing how much
Tumilson loved his dog, and how much the dog loved him, thought it might be appropriate
to bring Hawkeye to the funeral. After getting permission from the Tumilson
family—particularly Jon’s mother—Nichols did just that.
As the mourners filed
into the gymnasium, Nichols led Hawkeye, on a leash, down the center aisle. He
then brought the dog to a spot about 3 feet in front of the casket and told him
to lie down. The dog, who was very well trained, obeyed. Nichols then told
Hawkeye to stay, and Hawkeye complied. In fact, he held the down/stay during
the whole funeral service, which took about half an hour. Hawkeye is a very
obedient doggie.
This gives us a very
different picture of what happened than the very sweet, but untrue idea that
the dog “refused to leave his master’s side.”
One also has to wonder
how much the dog actually knew about what was going on. First of all, Hawkeye
wasn’t with Tumilson during the Taliban’s attack in Afghanistan. He was in
Iowa. Perhaps he could’ve sensed his master’s death, telepathically. There is
plenty of anecdotal evidence supporting that kind of thing. But it would have
been virtually impossible for the dog to have learned about his master’s death
in any other way.
Secondly, a dog’s primary
source of information about the world around him comes through his nose. Could
Hawkeye have smelled the embalmed body of his former master through the heavy
wooden-and-metal casket, and know that Tumilson’s body was inside? It seems
unlikely.
Dr. Peterson writes, “If
you should feel that only humans have emotions, that animals are essentially so
far ‘below’ us as to be incapable of such a psychological experience, may I
suggest you look at the video of Hawkeye at the funeral? You can find it, plus
an accompanying post by Anahad O’Connor at her New York Times blog of
August 26.”
The original video
snippet shown on CBS was :05 seconds. The video
O’Connor posted on her NY Times blog was :30, but only because that :05 snippet
had been cut and pasted over and over. So it’s hard to take it at face value.
There’s no question that
this video plucks at our heartstrings, and does so for any number of reasons.
And I do not for a second doubt that Tumilson and his dog shared a deep
emotional bond. Nor do I doubt that the dog had an emotional awareness of the
gravity of the situation he’d been put in, perhaps unnecessarily,1
by his new owners. Dogs feel what we feel. If a situation feels
“heavy” to us, a dog’s behavior will often reflect that.
Just look at Hawkeye and
you’ll see that he can barely lift his head off the ground. If he has no mental
awareness of what’s going on (and how could he?), we can at least hypothesize
from his actual behavior that he does, perhaps, feel the gravity of the
situation.
Dr. Peterson writes, “We
have a word for the over-humanizing of non-human animals: anthropomorphism. But
there is a second kind of false thinking about animals, which is the reverse of
anthropomorphism. Instead of wrongly exaggerating the similarity between humans
and animals, this second kind of error wrongly exaggerates the dissimilarity.”
I’m not denying or minimizing
the love that Hawkeye felt for his master. In fact I’m very much on board with
celebrating and honoring the ways in which all of our dogs love us and express
their love, loyalty, and fidelity. However, Dr. Petersons seems almost certain
that Hawkeye was grief-stricken, which is where I see a clear dividing line
between human and canine emotions.
If Hawkeye were actually
capable of feeling true grief, it would mean that the dog would, first of all, have to know
the difference between life and death, and to be able to engage in mental time
travel, i.e., the ability to reflect on the past and entertain thoughts about
hypothetical future events. In actual fact, in his life outside the video,
Hawkeye is reportedly a very happy doggie. He lives in a home with several other
Labrador retrievers, and is very playful and easy-going. He has a happy—not
grief-stricken—life.
I would agree that dogs
and humans share many of the same basic emotions, or what I would call “simple
emotions.” Most of these are rather more like feeling states than actual
emotions. The second type—the kinds of emotions which are only experienced by humans and
some cetaceans2—involve an attendant mental thought process, one
that’s designed to help us cope with our emotional states. I would
call these complex emotions.
Feeling the loss of someone would be a simple emotion, one that most mammals—social mammals in particular—are no doubt capable of. But
grief, on the other hand, is a very specific, complex emotion, one that seems to always involve a number of mental thought processes that dogs are incapable of engaging in, especially the stages of anger, denial
and bargaining.3
A window into how
unlikely it is that dogs feel grief, as opposed to loss, is that both the
feeling of loss and the complex emotional state of grief, can also be
experienced when one loses a limb or learns that they have cancer or are going
blind, etc. Except for understanding the cancer diagnosis, many dogs find themselves
in these situations. But I’ve never known or heard of a dog who exhibited any
sign that they were grieving about their amputated leg or their diminishing
eyesight. Most dogs seem emotionally unaffected by such things.
I agree with Dr. Peterson
that animals can feel emotions. But instead of anthropomorphizing dogs, I think
we need to dogthropomorphize ourselves. We need to do everything we
can to see things from the dog’s point of view, rather than imposing our own
thoughts and feelings onto their behaviors.
Dogs are the most amazing
animals on the planet. We need to honor them for who they truly are instead of
making them into four-legged versions of ourselves. After all, only human
beings are capable of creating the horrors of warfare. And it may very well be
that our soldiers, their mothers—and sometimes their dogs—are among those who
suffer the most.
LCK
“Life Is an Adventure—Where Will Your Dog Take You?”
Footnotes:
1) Petty Officer
Tumilson’s mother reportedly felt some regret about allowing Hawkeye to attend
the memorial service because it drew the spotlight away from her son and
focused it on his dog. She knew how much her son loved that dog, and vice
versa, but understandably felt the focus should be more on her son’s sacrifice
and military service.
2)
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21128283.700-death-in-dolphins-do-they-understand-they-are-mortal.html
3)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
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